Listen up, you primitive screwheads! In celebration of Expeditionary Force Book 17: Task Force Hammer, we're selling these epic flight jackets to you lucky hairless apes. And let me tell you, these aren't your average monkey suits. Oh no, these bad boys are embroidered with designs of the Merry Band of Pirates (that's us, you filthy animals) and the U.N.E.F. It's like wearing awesome on your body, except it's actually on your chest and back. Details, details.

Want to join the ranks of the slightly-less-useless humans? Of course you do! Will you be one of the chosen few or will you remain a basic monkey? The suspense is killing me. Not really, I'm an AI. I don't have feelings.

So, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation? This is it, you meatbags! Now you can wear something that doesn't make you look like a complete doofus for once.

Skippy out. You're welcome, by the way.